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Get the digital download for House Of David!
Yes Torontonians, a pop up concert exclusive for you at the CaFfinO Ristorante. You will get a full set of Bowie tunes from my new record House of David PLUS a party after with yours truly in case you need a dance partner. Of course you don’t have to live in Toronto to purchase this you just have to get yourself there. March 7, 11PM.
The new album ‘House Of David’ available on CD. PLUS the album download and access to the exclusive updates.
Submit 20 questions for me to answer via email. I mean, you can ask anything, don’t hold back!
It’s a Lea DeLaria T-shirt emblazoned with the motto HAVE SCREWDRIVER WILL TRAVEL. Black with orange writing.
House Of David on CD. Signed.
Poster featuring new artwork from new album. Signed.
The House of David on vinyl
For the audiophile, the new record on warm-sounding vinyl and signed.
The song of your choosing, written out by hand in a very special way.
Let’s face it, I smoke a whole lot of weed, so I need plenty of notations to map out a recording session. You can own these scribbled insanities. Hell I’ll even sign them…. If I can remember my name.
You have an all access backstage pass to any of my concerts. Come back stage after. Get a picture, an autograph and a tour.
Dude you get your name in my liner notes. I’ll use any salutation you wish Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or Empress. And a signed CD.
I will make a phone call or record a message for anyone you say, “Hello, Miss Heffer? Would you please excuse Sherry from PE today. She has her period.”
You will be contacted to arrange a time
I’ll be you on twitter for a day + DM – You’ve read my Twitter rants. You’ve seen my infamous hashtag. Now let me write that stuff for you. CAUTION: not for the faint of heart.
Yes it’s the SCREWDRIVER episode from season 1. You know, where Big Boo MacGyvers a screwdriver into a dildo in order to pleasure herself. I’ll sign the script and as a bonus give you a signed screwdriver as well, just be careful where you put that thing, You don’t know where it’s been.
I really want to make this record so much so that I will show up to your house/apartment dressed in a really funny outfit and clean your filthy bathroom. You supply the cleaning products, I’ll supply the outfit.
Get a group of 4 people together for a vocal performance workshop. This is a 2 hour extensive performance oriented work shop for people at any level of professional entertainment, in other words amateurs are cool. I will teach up to 5 people diaphragmatic breathing, stage presence and mic technique. You will need to bring 2 legible charts to sing. This class will require me to physically touch you if that makes you want to take it more.
If you come to NYC you wanna see the Statue Of Liberty and Ellis Island, right? The best and most fun way is to take the Staten Island Ferry. Also the cheapest, because that ferry ride is free. We will do it together, I’ll even throw in a couple of hot dogs and a beer because it’s hard for me to do anything with out eating. *Up to four people
I will trot you and 3 of your friends around on a tour of the dyke scene, all drinks included. It will be like going to The Sands w/ Frank Sinatra. Must be Friday night. 9 to 1 AM, after that you’re on your own.
Your place, me, and a piano. *Must include travel is outside NYC
You get to be credited as an executive producer on HOD. You can do this with out leaving your bed. That is a productive day. Also come for a studio visit and join 3 conference calls with me and the team.
Yes boys and girls I am a minister of the Universal Love Church. I am registered and legally able to marry you in the state of New York. How’d you like me to officiate your wedding?
Me, my trio, your place, your friends. Nuff said. *Must include travel expenses if outside NYC
A Twitter troll once called me a human whopper vacuum. Screw him. I’m a human McDouble vacuum. I’ll fly to any continental US city and meet you for McDonalds meal. *Travel must be provided
I will come to your house and cook the family gravy to serve over spinach fettuccine. I will do this for you and 5 others. Who doesn’t like to eat Italian…. Wait, I’M Italian. You supply the wine.
Pick the song from David Bowie oeuvre, and I’ll swing it, record it, and you get the executive producer credit. As long as it’s Bowie. Bowie is my baby daddy. Also come to the studio for a day and join in on 3 conference calls.